How to Examine Your Intentions: A Stoic Approach

To examine your intentions, ask why you act and not only what you do, because the same deed can come from very different places. Picture the Ides of March in 44 BC, as Julius Caesar walks onto the Senate floor, just named dictator for life. One senator walks next to him, asks for a favor and gently pulls his toga. That is the signal. Sixty conspirators jump in, and when it ends, Caesar has twenty-three stab wounds. Sixty men, one act, and one tyrant dead.

Yet all sixty did not necessarily act from the same place, and that is where learning how to examine your intentions begins. We can do the same thing as other people and still stand somewhere completely different on a moral level.

Same Act, Different Why

The idea comes from a conversation I had over the summer at a seminar with fellow Stoics. Sixty people agreed that killing a tyrant was virtuous. But did every one of them act out of virtue, or did some have ulterior motives such as ambition, revenge or fear?

The story has one more twist. Not everyone who joined the conspiracy struck Caesar. Some stood in a position to stab him and held back out of cowardice. Others may have shown great courage simply by lending their name to the plot, which could count as a virtuous act even without a blow. How do we judge that without knowing what drove each man?

The Stoics would say we cannot judge it from the visible act. The same holds in modern life. When you text a friend to ask how they are doing, you might feel lonely, you might feel curious, or you might care about them. The message looks identical in each case, and the difference sits in the reason.

Prohairesis: The Choice Behind the Act

The Stoics had a word for this, and it is central to their philosophy. They called it prohairesis, the moral choice behind everything we do. It grows from judgments that line up with reality and from acting on reason that we have thought through. Our moral character takes shape there.

This gives us a freedom no one can take away, since nobody else can make our choices. It also brings responsibility, because we have to know why we act at every stage of life. Big decisions deserve a close look, and so do the small habits we repeat without thinking, since it is easy to keep doing something just because we always have.

The Romans and the Stoics loved to take big, dramatic stories and use them to show the difference between good and poor choices. We still face the same task today. We forget the why, and we need to see where our intentions come from and what makes them good. The same applies to kindness. As we explore in our article on how to stop being a people pleaser, being agreeable and saying yes to everything differs sharply from being kind, which sometimes means setting a boundary or saying no.

Would You Still Do It If No One Saw?

One question helps us judge whether an act is good, and it returns in both Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius. Do the right thing without needing anyone to see it, without applause or reward, because you know it is right. When you are about to act, ask yourself whether you would still do it if no one noticed.

I think about this when I look at social media and at the people around me. I live in Prague at the moment, and I have watched tour groups pass over the Charles Bridge. Some people listen closely to the guide and try to absorb everything. Others look around for the best spot to take a photo.

This question is no pass or fail test. It is an honest question to sit with, because it moves us closer to our own nature. Am I going on this holiday because I like the place, or because I need rest and want to look after myself? Or am I going so that other people can see where I am? The same question works for a job, a promotion, a purchase or a new relationship.

Why We Cannot Judge the Intentions of Others

Looking at our own reasons has a useful side effect. Since we do not know what drives other people, we need to withhold our judgment of their intentions, which the Stoics called epoché. They cannot judge us fully either, because they do not know our reasons.

With ourselves it works differently, since we do know why we act. That knowledge can feel uncomfortable, because it confronts us. As we align our intentions with who we are and let go of the external drives that pull on us, we find more peace and we find the path we actually want to walk.

Examining Your Why Is a Civic Act

Stoicism often receives criticism for being too individual. Examining our why proves otherwise, because it asks us to stop managing our actions and judgments for an audience and to act for the sake of our own character and soul. When we do, the rest of the world benefits.

We do not live in a vacuum. The ancients called us cosmopolitans, and our actions ripple outward as citizens of the world. If more people act from good intentions, the society we build becomes more positive and connected, because we understand that everyone tries to work from their best intentions.

The opposite also holds. If everyone does what looks right but acts from selfish reasons or external drives, those motives will eventually clash. That friction can make societies collapse and families fall apart. When we align our reasons with our values, we can also adapt our actions to what the people around us need, and become the prosocial beings we are.

How to Examine Your Intentions: A Simple Practice

This practice has five parts, and it works for big decisions as well as small habits.

Begin before a significant choice by pausing and naming the real reason behind it. Write it down if that helps, and notice whether the reason you give yourself sounds like the one you feel.

Then ask the test question: would I still do this if no one else noticed? If the answer is no, look at who you are doing it for. You can use it before a purchase, a holiday, a post or an act of kindness.

Watch for external drives. Check whether you want to please someone, to provoke a reaction or to gain approval, or whether the act follows from your values, from virtue and from your nature in connection with the world.

Extend the same patience to other people. You cannot see their reasons, so hold back your verdict on them and keep your attention on your own.

Finally, look back with kindness. We will make mistakes, and sometimes an outside force plants an intention in us without our noticing. Reflection helps us prepare for the next moment, and journaling, meditation or a conversation with a friend, family member or Stoic coach can support it. Our article on the Stoic practice of withholding judgment gives a good tool for the first moments of this review.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I examine my intentions?

Pause before an important choice and name the real reason behind it. Then ask whether you would still do it if no one noticed. Learning how to examine your intentions takes repetition, and journaling or a talk with someone you trust can speed it up.

What is prohairesis in Stoicism?

Prohairesis is the moral choice behind everything we do. It comes from judgments that align with reality and from acting on well thought out reason. Nobody can take it from us, and it carries the responsibility to know why we act.

Why does the reason behind an act count for the Stoics?

Two people can do the same visible thing from very different motives. For the Stoics, the moral value of an act sits in the choice and the judgment behind it, not in the act as others see it.

Can we judge other people’s intentions?

No, because we do not know why they act, and they cannot fully judge us either. The Stoics suggest we withhold judgment of others and keep our attention on our own reasons, which we do know.

Is examining my why a selfish exercise?

No, it is a civic act. It decides how we take part in society and whether others can rely on us, since people trust those who are authentic and act from the right reasons.

Same Act, Your Own Why

We started in 44 BC with sixty men and one act, and the question is whether it was the same act for all of them. I do not think so. It comes down to the intentions, and we can ask the same of ourselves today. How others act is up to them, but it is up to us to ask why we do what we do.

Is the reason to please others or to provoke a reaction? Or do we act because it is the right thing to do according to our values, to virtue and to our nature? This question is difficult to ask in the moment, so it helps to step back. Our actions may look the same as everyone else’s, but we know we do them for the right reasons.

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Want to Learn More?

If this resonated, a conversation with Benny as your Stoic coach can be a good place to begin. It gives you space to build your own philosophy of life. You can also sign up for the newsletter, The Pause, or follow the Via Stoica Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts.

About the Author

Benny Voncken is the founder of Via Stoica and host of the Via Stoica Podcast. He has practiced Stoicism for over six years, spoken at Stoicon, and led Stoic walks across Europe. Through Stoic coaching, he helps people develop their own philosophy of life. It gives them the tools to face obstacles, navigate change, and find balance. He writes, teaches, and walks wherever the philosophy takes him.