“Choose not to be harmed – and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed – and you haven’t been.”
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 4.7
How can we stop taking things personally? Why do some words hit so hard while others bounce right off? Why do we carry certain comments for hours or years?
Marcus Aurelius offers a profound Stoic insight: we are not harmed unless we choose to feel harmed. This is not denial or repression. It’s the practice of choosing how to judge what happens to us.
The Stoic Secret to Emotional Freedom
If you’ve ever wondered how to stop taking things personally, this quote is your answer.
The Stoics believed that the world doesn’t hurt us. It’s our judgments about what happens that do. That’s the first level of the practice: learning to pause, question the impression, and delay our reaction.
However, there’s a deeper level as well, and this is where the Stoic path truly transforms us.
When you consistently choose not to be harmed, your emotional default begins to change. Over time, the impulse to take offense tends to fade. You don’t just decide not to be hurt, now you stop feeling hurt.
Your inner world becomes less impulsive, more grounded. What once felt personal now passes through you like wind through a tree. You can view the words of others as their opinions and listen to the valuable information in their words or actions.
3 Stoic Practices to Take Things Less Personally
- Pause and Reframe
Ask yourself: What am I making this mean? Is there another, more reasonable story? - Affirm Your Inner Freedom
Repeat: “I am not harmed unless I choose to be.” Keep that principle close when emotions flare. - Train the Impulse
Each time you respond with reason instead of reactivity, you reinforce a calmer reflex. Over time, your emotional habits begin to shift.
This is how Stoicism helps you stop taking things personally, not by suppressing feelings, but by changing your relationship to them.
🔗 Want to explore more Stoic strategies? Book a free consultation with one of our Stoic Coaches or read more on the Marcus Aurelius Quotes page. You can also listen to the Via Stoica podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts or watch it on YouTube.
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