“People exist for one another. You can instruct or endure them.”
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 8.59
At some point, we all face it: the frustration of dealing with difficult people. But rather than lashing out or retreating, Marcus Aurelius gives us a timeless Stoic reminder. People exist for one another; we’re not here to isolate ourselves but to coexist and contribute. And when others fall short of virtue, we have only two choices: instruct or endure.
A Stoic Mindset for Relationships
This short quote captures the essence of the Stoic approach to dealing with others. You can try to help someone improve, patiently and without judgment. Or, if they’re not ready, you can choose to endure them without resentment. Important to remember is that people don’t do bad things knowingly; they do them out of ignorance of what the right thing to do is. That’s why we can either show them the right way or show them compassion and try to protect them or others as much as we can.
This does not mean tolerating abuse or abandoning boundaries. It means recognizing that every interaction is an opportunity for us to grow in patience, understanding, and character. When we choose the Stoic path, we choose our own peace over getting drawn into the currents with the rest of the world.
The Stoic approach to dealing with others centers not on controlling them but on managing ourselves. We are not responsible for their behavior, only our response.
Practical Reflections
- Instruction: When someone is open to growth, use kind reason and example, not superiority or ego. Guide, don’t lecture.
- Endurance: If someone cannot or will not change, endure calmly. Your peace matters more than proving a point.
- Reflection: Each challenge is a test of your virtue, not theirs. What kind of person do you want to be in response?
These are not just tactics but traits of a strong inner life. Stoicism teaches us that every encounter can polish our character.
FAQ Section
What does Stoicism say about working with others?
Stoicism teaches that we are social beings meant to live in harmony. We should aim to either guide others toward virtue or accept them without bitterness.
How can I apply Stoic principles in relationships?
By focusing on your own responses, practicing patience, setting boundaries, and choosing virtue over ego-driven reactions.
What is the Stoic approach to dealing with others?
It means choosing either to instruct with kindness or to endure with strength, never to react with hostility.
Want to explore more Stoic strategies?
Book a free consultation with one of our Stoic Coaches or read more on the Marcus Aurelius Quotes page. You can also listen to the Via Stoica podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts or watch it on YouTube.
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