What is true masculinity?
Here are 10 Epictetus quotes that show the true nature of masculinity. The world is full of loud opinions about what it means to “be a man.” Strength. Power. Status. Control. But few ask whether these ideals are true, lasting, or wise. Epictetus did. And his answers still challenge us today.
For Epictetus, masculinity had nothing to do with how much weight you lift, how many people you impress, or how stoically you suffer in silence. It had everything to do with how well you govern yourself, how deeply you live by reason, and how kindly you show up in the world.
Read more about What is the Stoic Man?
In this article, we’ll explore 10 authentic quotes from Epictetus that show the true nature of Stoic masculinity, one built on wisdom, humility, clarity, and moral courage. Each quote includes a reflection and practice to help you bring it into your daily life.
1. Freedom Means Self-Mastery
“That man is free who lives as he wishes; who can be neither compelled, nor hindered, nor constrained; whose impulses are unimpeded, who attains his desires and does not fall into what he wants to avoid.”
Epictetus, Discourses, Book 4, Chapter 1.1
To Epictetus, masculinity is being free. The free man isn’t the one who controls others or is controlled by others; it’s the one who controls himself. When you are no longer pushed around by desire, fear, or public opinion, you gain something rarer than status: sovereignty over your own life.
How can we always get what we desire and avoid that which we don’t want? We do that by accepting our fate and reminding ourselves that we can act virtuously, wisely, and just, regardless of what is happening around us. It is our task to use our reason and logic to remain free.
Practice: Ask yourself today, “Am I acting on what I truly value or just reacting?”
2. Progress Means Letting Go of Appearances
“If you want to make progress, put up with being thought foolish and stupid with regards to externals, and do not want to be thought knowledgeable about them.”
Epictetus, Handbook, 13
A real man doesn’t need everyone to understand him. He doesn’t decorate his life with shallow trophies. He builds his character from the inside out, even if that means looking foolish in the eyes of others.
It starts with focusing on a goal that is virtuous and in accordance with nature. It’s what our daimon, our inner guide, leads us to. Living the life you are supposed to live without the need for others to see it. In fact, your choices will seem strange or even ridiculous to others because they don’t see the path you are on.
Practice: Next time you’re tempted to impress someone, pause. Would you still do what you do without the possible praise?
3. Criticism Is No Threat
“If someone tells you that So-and-so is speaking ill of you, do not defend yourself against what has been said, but answer: ‘He did not know my other faults, for otherwise he would not have mentioned only these.’”
Epictetus, Handbook, 33
Strength isn’t getting defensive. It’s knowing yourself well enough to admit your flaws and not letting someone else’s opinion shake your foundation. This kind of self-knowledge is foundational to Stoic masculinity, and why this is part of the 10 Epictetus quotes.
People will always have opinions, no matter what they do. Their criticism can come from many different reasons, the truth behind it you will never know. Instead of feeling hurt or harmed, think about whether there is some truth in what they are saying and use that to your advantage to grow. If not, then let them be. There are many other things they could have criticized you about.
Practice: When you’re criticized, resist the urge to explain or justify. Accept it with grace or indifference.
4. Let Go of What’s Not Yours
“If you give up these things [externals], and look upon them as nothing, with whom will you still be angry? But as long as you admire them, be angry with yourself rather than with others.”
Epictetus, Discourses, Book 1, Chapter 18.12
As long as you cling to things outside your control, reputation, wealth, and other people’s opinions, you’ll be fragile. Letting go of externals doesn’t make you passive. It makes you unshakable. Feelings of loss, grief, fear, or anger will lose their grip on you because you give them nothing to cling to.
This doesn’t mean that you cannot own things or have people in your life. It is a reminder that all of these things are on loan and do not influence who you are and whether you can be virtuous or not. Accept them with gratitude and let them go with grace.
Practice: Identify one external you’re overly attached to. Can you start treating it as nothing?
5. Your Judgments Shape Your World
“It is not things themselves that disturb people but their judgements about those things.”
Epictetus, Handbook, 5
It’s not the criticism, the rejection, or the failure that hurts. It’s how we interpret those things. Stoic masculinity without emotional awareness is a recipe for pain. A real man trains his perception and judgments.
A real man also understands his emotions through reflection and awareness. This knowledge will teach us where they are coming from and what judgments they are attached to. We can then start to work on why we feel hurt and realign our impressions with the truth and nature. If we do that, then the impulses we meet will affect us less and less.
Practice: When something upsets you today, ask: What is really happening here and why do I feel this way?
6. Be a Gentle, Social Creature, Not a Beast
“If, instead of a man, a gentle and social creature, you have become a wild beast, dangerous, treacherous and liable to bite, have you lost nothing?”
Epictetus, Discourses, Book 2, Chapter 10.14
You are not here to dominate, destroy, or isolate. You’re here to live justly, kindly, and rationally among others. When you abandon compassion, you abandon part of your humanity and your masculinity.
Men are told to be strong and ready to overpower anyone, because power gives might. But at what cost? It comes at the cost of being human. We are social creatures who are here to care for each other. Each in their own role, but with the greater good in mind. Giving up reason and logic will put us at the same level as the beasts.
Practice: In every encounter, ask: Am I acting from reason, or reaction? From nature, or from ego?
7. Revenge Harms You More
“Since he has harmed himself by wronging me, shall not I harm myself by wronging him?”
Epictetus, Discourses, Book 2, Chapter 10.26
Revenge might feel powerful in the moment, but it destroys your character and soul. A Stoic man knows that responding with virtue is stronger than striking back. He defends his integrity, not his pride. In these 10 Epictetus quotes on Stoic masculinity, this one is an important one. It is a topic a lot of men struggle with; we need to get even, to find justice, and not be seen as weak.
True strength lies in knowing that revenge will put us at the same level as those who did something to us. Staying true to your values and principles is far more important than retaliating. And besides, if we only place importance on what we can control, then have they truly harmed us?
Practice: The next time you feel wronged, ask: What kind of man do I want to be in this moment?
8. Play Your Role Well
“Remember that you are an actor in a play, which is as the author wants it to be: short, if he wants it to be short; long, if he wants it to be long. If he wants you to act a poor man, a cripple, a public official, or a private person, see that you act it with skill.”
Epictetus, Handbook, 17
You don’t get to choose your circumstances, but you do get to choose how well you live them. That’s your duty. The Stoic man plays his role, whatever it is, with purpose and consistency. There is nothing as a part that is too small or too big. We all have our place; what matters is how we show up.
The masculine man doesn’t judge their role as insignificant of beneath them, they accept it and do their best. This is where one can find their meaning and worth, in how well we show up.
Practice: Identify your main roles today — son, father, leader, friend. What would it mean to play them well?
9. Live Honestly, Without Performance
“If it ever happens that you turn to external things in the desire to please some other person, realize that you have ruined your scheme of life. Be content, then, with being a philosopher in everything; and if you wish also to be seen as one, show yourself that you are one, and you will be able to achieve it.”
Epictetus, Handbook, 23
Honesty in Stoicism doesn’t just mean telling the truth. It means being true, living in a way that aligns with your principles, not just projecting an image of strength. The Stoic man doesn’t perform. He lives.
When we deviate from our character and from virtue, we sell out our souls. We stop becoming who we ought to be. But if we align ourselves with Nature in everything that we do, then we can flourish in life.
Practice: Notice when you’re trying to be seen a certain way. Can you let your actions speak instead?
10. Greatness Takes Time
“No great thing comes into being all of a sudden; not even a bunch of grapes or a fig does. If you tell me at this minute, ‘I want a fig’, I will answer you, ‘That requires time.’ Let the tree first blossom, then bear fruit, then let the fruit ripen.”
Epictetus, Discourses, Book 1, Chapter 15.7
Becoming a strong, principled man isn’t instant. It’s slow, seasonal work, moment by moment, practice by practice. You don’t need to be perfect. You need to be committed and consistent.
There are too many quick fixes out there that promise to solve your problems in five steps or a few days. Stoicism is not one of these offerings. Stoic philosophy is about making continuous progress, and it needs to be practiced every day. Understand where you are going, but accept the fact that you need to take all the steps along the way.
Practice: Choose one small daily habit to cultivate. Stick with it for 30 days. Growth requires time.
Conclusion: The Quiet Strength of Masculinity
The Stoic man doesn’t posture. He doesn’t control others. He doesn’t confuse shouting with strength or revenge with power. His masculinity is rooted in reason, calm, and courage, in his ability to govern himself no matter what the world throws at him. These 10 Epictetus quotes on Stoic masculinity provide a good framework to become such a man. But there is more to it, and it is not easy to achieve, yet we should start to make progress toward being a more complete and peaceful man.
Journaling Prompt:
Which of these 10 traits do you want to embody more fully, and what’s one thing you can do today to move closer?
Let’s get to work
Book a free consultation with one of our Stoic Coaches to get support. Or read more quotes on our Stoic Quotes page. Listen to the Via Stoica Podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube.
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