How to deal with Frustrating People: A Stoic Quote To The Rescue

Have you ever dealt with frustrating people in your life? Those people who rub you the wrong way, ruin your day, or seem to be out to get you. The Stoics have an answer on how to deal with frustrating people, and that answer is within you. Read along to find a Stoic quote that can help you find peace even when others try to take that away from you.

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“That sort of person is bound to do that. You might as well resent a fig tree for secreting juice. (Anyway, before very long you’ll both be death – death and soon forgotten.)”

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, book 4.6

Are you looking for more quotes by Marcus Aurelius? You’ll find over 100 of them here.

The quote above was the first real example I got of applying Stoic practices in my life. Whenever people ask me how I use this wisdom, I give them this example. It made a significant change in my attitude towards my surroundings. From that moment, I started reading these texts with a different mindset, and I learned to connect more of them with my life.

While rereading the Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, as I often do, I was working a job that was very stressful and took its toll both physically and mentally. Moreover, the people I had to work with made it more difficult by adding office politics and personal intrigues.

Frustrating people

This time, when I read the sentence: “That sort of person is bound to do that,” I was able to picture a specific person. Set in his ways, he wasn’t treating me any differently than he would treat anyone else. The second part of this quote made me realize that this person was doing his part. He was living according to his nature, much like a fig tree. The idea of being frustrated by a tree for doing what it does and will continue to do made me aware of the absurdity of my frustration. Then the reference to both our unavoidable deaths made these encounters seem so insignificant that it put a smile on my face.

The visual imagery of being angry at a tree showed me that the problem was with me and how I approached the situation. It taught me that instead of being angry with the other person, I should train myself to see the situation for what it is.

If you are struggling to deal with the frustrating people around you, see how our Stoic Coaching can help.

Take a deep breath

From that moment on, anytime I met this frustrating person and the usual tricks appeared, I was able to recognize them. I then told myself that this was the tree showing its nature. Ever since, I have managed to control my impressions of other people’s behavior a lot better. It helped me make better decisions in my interactions and reactions to them. Now there are many moments where I find myself thinking: “Ah, here is the fig tree.” I then take a deep breath and focus on what the situation requires from me, without letting it disturb my inner peace.

Can you picture a person in your life who sometimes frustrates you? Is their behavior consistent, and can you recognize some patterns? Can you try to predict what they might do? As you imagine a situation with this person, think of the moment when you identify the conduct that frustrates you. And then try to smile at it. For it is not them that frustrate you, but it is you allowing yourself to become frustrated. Would you touch the juice from the fig tree again after you have learned that it is sticky?

Some steps to remove frustration

When you find yourself being frustrated by a person or the people around you, think of the following steps:

• Take a deep breath
• Assess the situation
• Who is frustrating you
• Why is it impacting you
• Are you surprised by their behavior
• Remind yourself that you can’t change them
• Focus on your actions
• Don’t take it personally; this is their issue
• Move on

There it is…

Try to put this into practice with one specific person you know who triggers these reactions in you. The next few times you engage with this person, focus on the behavior that annoys you. As soon as you identify it, smile and tell yourself: “There it is. Her nature shows, and this is how she must act. I will not let this attach itself to me. And anyway, before very long we’ll both be death–death and soon forgotten.”

Stoicism is all about putting these teachings into practice. One way to shift your mindset to dealing with these frustrating people is to see them as moments to apply this wisdom. This will help you remove yourself from the situation and become an observer. Now you can use it to your benefit to grow as an individual. Thank them for the opportunity to practice.

Want to explore more Stoic Practice?

Book a free consultation with one of our Stoic Coaches to get support. Or read more about How to Practice Stoicism here. Listen to the Via Stoica Podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube.

Author Bio

Benny Voncken is the co-founder of Via Stoica, where he helps people apply Stoic philosophy to modern life. He is a Stoic coach, writer, and podcast host of The Via Stoica Podcast. With almost a decade of teaching experience and daily Stoic practice, Benny creates resources, workshops, and reflections that make ancient wisdom practical today.