On Learning How to Die

“To philosophize is to learn how to die.”

Michel de Montaigne – The Essays, Book 1, chapter 20

Death is a subject we don’t often speak about, but we should. It happens all around us and will meet us all. I didn’t want to think or talk about it. It scared me and made me nervous. My fears kept me from exploring my full potential.

As I got older and I noticed more examples of our mortality, the topic of death took on a more permanent presence in my mind. Getting more familiar with philosophy showed me how often they spoke about death back in the day. It was time to make up my mind on the inevitable end and see how I could use it to live a better life. I had to start to learn how to die. 

It sounds painful; dying

There are many ways of saying it, but they all boil down to something like this: we must live every day as if it were our last. And that is exactly what it is. It could be our last day. Personally, I find that quite consoling. It puts all our issues into perspective and shows us how absurd they sometimes are. I have thought about the topic of death more as of late, and I can confidently say that I am content with my life at the moment. If this were to be my last day, then I could live with that. 

The fear of dying is not an unusual one, and the fact that we don’t talk about it a lot demonstrates this. When I ask myself where this fear is coming from, there are two answers that pop into my head. First is my attachment to life. I am afraid to give it up, and I want to cling to it for as long as I can. The other reason is that it sounds painful; dying. And although I don’t like pain, I have always managed to deal with it. Your fears might be completely different, and I’d invite you to share them in the comments.

We are born, we live, and then we die

Learning how to die will help us deal with the inevitable fact that we will all face. But where do we start? Let’s start at the beginning, where it ends. We associate death with the end, and we see this as something bad. There is no common ground on what happens after we die, but we can all agree that our current life as we know it won’t continue. This is what makes it so scary; we don’t know for certain what happens. What do we know? We are born, we live for whatever time we do, and then it ends. 

This lesson in our course on how to die brings us to combining the start and the finish line. We don’t know what we were before we were given the Go, but suddenly we are here. Then we race as fast as we can to that same unknown. The more we try to avoid the finish, the more it hits us by surprise. Life is like something pushing us forward, even if we try to turn around. This resistance prevents us from running at our very best. Unlike an athlete, we don’t know how long the race is. Therefore, we should live to the top of our ability all the time.

My existence will end

Are you then afraid of the void? Or is it the lack of control? This will be different for everyone, but it is important to ask yourself this question. Why am I afraid to die? Knowing the answer is a crucial step. My fear was focused on not having enough time to do what I wanted and not leaving anything behind. I also wanted to avoid the pain. This last part is still my preference, but I’ll just have to endure what it has to offer. 

I will address ‘not having enough time’ at another moment. Looking at what I would leave behind solved itself by understanding that it wouldn’t really impact me anymore. It would be nice to leave the people close to me with something that can help them. Hopefully, I would have done so by being the best person I can be while I am alive. Since it is my understanding that my existence will end, I have managed to take my focus away from that moment. It is now aimed towards the present. What can I do now to make my life the best for myself and the people around me?

Learn how to die so you can live freely and fully

Learning how to die can take away a lot of anxiety and give you more freedom to live.  I have noticed that I am now more open in the decisions I make. I take the responsibility for my life. Which doesn’t mean that I take more risks, because that’s not who I am. But my willingness to do the things I want to do and take those leaps has increased a lot. Facing my mortality has shown me how precious my life is. It has also opened my eyes to the unknown number of grains of sand that are in the hourglass. The last one might fall at any moment. 

There is a lot more to be said on this topic, and I will. But for this reflection, it is good to remember that we must make the best of the life we have now. It will end; there is no negotiating this fact. And once our time comes, we must take our leave. Make sure you are prepared for it and have no regrets about having lived in constant fear of dying. Learn how to die so that you can live a free and full life. 

Live carefree of dying

I do realize that it is a sensitive topic and that there are people who think about taking their own lives. If this is your case, then please go to this link and find the suicide hotline in your country. If you can’t find it or just want to have someone to talk to, you can always contact me. Although I am not a professional in this specific field, I do know how to listen. Perhaps reading this made you change your view towards life a bit. 

This reflection has helped me better understand my view on dying. It is not evil; it is just something that will happen to all of us. My way of dealing with it is to prepare myself. Philosophy and Stoicism, more specifically, have been key in this process. The teachings of Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus, together with Michel de Montaigne and others, have opened my eyes. With their help, I can live my life carefree of dying. I am learning how to die so I can live my life to the fullest.

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Author Bio

Benny Voncken is the co-founder of Via Stoica, where he helps people apply Stoic philosophy to modern life. He is a Stoic coach, writer, and podcast host of The Via Stoica Podcast. With almost a decade of teaching experience and daily Stoic practice, Benny creates resources, workshops, and reflections that make ancient wisdom practical today.