How to Pray Like a Stoic: An Ancient Practice to Acceptance
How to pray like a Stoic sounds like a contradiction. Why are Stoics praying? Isn’t that something you do in a religion? And to answer that question, we’ll look into what praying is and how the Stoics look at it. It is important to understand how to Stoics look at God or the gods. We’ll have a brief outline on that topic as well. The main focus is to learn how we can pray for the right thing, create more acceptance, and get what we want.
Read more about the Stoic God here.
What is Praying?
Praying is something we do, in most cases, when we are unhappy with our present situation. There are not a lot of people who pray for things to stay exactly as they are. Praying is asking for something that you wish or want to happen. Most of the time it is directed towards a God or deity, some higher power, in the hope that they will be favorable to us. Back in the day, even during the times of the Romans, they would sacrifice something to be on the good side of this higher power.
“to speak to a god either privately or in a religious ceremony in order to express love, admiration, or thanks or in order to ask for something”
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/pray
“to hope for something very much”
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/pray
In a more religious sense, praying is like having a conversation with God. Where you share what’s on your mind, confess your sins, or ask for something you wish. But it focuses on giving yourself peace of mind by sharing your thoughts and desires with this higher power. One part of this religious prayer that is more in line with the Stoic view is the saying of thanks or expressing gratitude. This can be a healthy exercise to bring more acceptance of the present moment.
Finding acceptance
When we learn to accept the present moment for what it is and that it is good, then there will be no need to pray for things. Our prayers can then aim at being thankful for what we have and showing gratitude for it. This kind of acceptance can be difficult to harness, and the urge to ask for things to be as we wish will still remain. Marcus Aurelius realized this, and he had an interesting way to change the prayer. We will look at that a little later.
In his handbook, Arrian wrote a lesson from Epictetus that made an impact on him. It’s number 8 in this little book, and it describes the philosophy of his old master well.
“Do not ask things to happen as you wish, but wish them to happen as they do happen, and your life will go smoothly.”
Epictetus, The Handbook, 8
Find over 200 quotes by Epictetus on the Epictetus Quotes page.
The more we pray for things outside of our control, the more we place our peace of mind in these things happening. When they don’t happen, then we will be upset or worried. This kind of radical acceptance requires a Stoic point of view on how the world works.
The Stoic God
In our article, What is the Stoic God, we examined this concept further. Yet, a short explanation is useful in this topic as well. The Stoics believe in a deterministic universe, where everything is cause in effect. This Rational Universe is created from pure reason and logic and can therefore not be good or bad. Things happen the way they are supposed to.
The ancient texts use the words God(s), Nature, Rational Universe, and Providence as they choose in their texts. But the core of their belief holds true in each of these labels. We do have free will, and that lies in our power to accept or refuse that what is happening is neither good nor bad. That we make it so. That’s where the Stoic prayer that Marcus Aurelius reminds himself of comes from.
The Stoic Prayer
“Start praying like this and you’ll see:
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 9.40
Not ‘some way to sleep with her’ – but a way to stop wanting to.
Not ‘some way to get rid of him’ – but a way to stop trying.
Not ‘some way to save my child’ – but a way to lose your fear.
Redirect your prayers like that, and watch what happens.”
The influence Epictetus had on the Roman Emperor is clear to see when we compare the entry of the handbook quoted earlier and this prayer. It’s focused on what is in our control, and if we aim our thoughts there, then our lives should go smoothly. Instead of asking for what you want, ask to stop wanting it. You will find more peace in the present if you can reduce your desires in this fashion.
“Then isn’t it better to do what’s up to you – like a free man – than to be passively controlled by what isn’t, like a slave or a beggar?”
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 9.40
Epictetus could have said this, and it preludes the quote above. Do you wish to be free of a slave? The Stoics take these concepts a step further than how we look at them. You’re only free if there’s no force outside of you that has something that you wish. But when you need to do certain things or give power to externals, then you become a slave to their whims.
How to pray like a Stoic
The prayer the Stoics ask us to do is not an easy one. We all have our wants, desires, and aversions. The fact that Marcus Aurelius had to remind himself to apply this form of prayer shows that he was struggling with it as well. He told himself to observe what would happen if he did so. But he wasn’t expecting a complete change but he was looking at the progress. That’s what Stoicism asks of us: to make progress toward the ideal state of being. Whether we ever get there is not relevant for now.
This mental exercise can help us reduce our wants and desires even if we do so with incremental steps. Those little changes can make a world of difference, especially when we keep applying them and compounding the effects. Next time, when you feel you want something so bad you need to pray for it, think back to this prayer and change the way you pray.
Not ‘I pray for all my wishes to be fulfilled,’ but I pray not to have these wishes. See what happens to your outlook on life, the way you experience it, and how you feel about yourself.
Want to explore more Stoic Practice?
Book a free consultation with one of our Stoic Coaches to get support. Or read more about How to Practice Stoicism here. Listen to the Via Stoica Podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube.
Author Bio
Benny Voncken is the founder of Via Stoica and host of The Via Stoica Podcast. He has practiced Stoicism as a way of life for over seven years and draws on almost 15 years of teaching experience to turn dense ancient ideas into daily practice. Since 2023 he has coached clients around the world through one-on-one Stoic coaching. He also leads Stoic walks across Europe, writes the monthly newsletter The Pause, and has spoken at Stoicon.
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